Sprinkled with Chaos: Being MIA, Ainsley, and My Busy Self

Sprinkled with Chaos: Being MIA, Ainsley, and My Busy Self:       To say we have been busy in the Morton household is  an understatement. Since the beginning of the year life has become more crazy wit...

Being MIA, Ainsley, and My Busy Self

      To say we have been busy in the Morton household is  an understatement. Since the beginning of the year life has become more crazy with the Twins getting older and into things, Danny starting his classes back up, Ethan being extremely sick and the last being Ainsley's surgery to get a second set of tubes.

9 months old

    Elayna and Kennedy are now 9 months old!!! (How on earth did that happen?) Mrs Elayna is now crawling and climbing. She is into everything, so much so that we bought a play pen or as we call it "The Cage" to keep her in one area of the house along with Kennedy. Meanwhile Kennedy has mastered sitting herself up and that's about it LOL. They both are still polar opposites and now love to fight each other. Yes I said fight! I cant believe how fast they are growing.

Feeling good after IV fluids

    Ethan the poor guy ended up being sick most of the beginning of March. He started with a fever and had to be sent home early one day. Later in the week I realized his throat was swollen and sore, so off to the Dr. we went. The first verdict was tonsillitis but no strep, remedy was rest and time. We went 6 days with a fever even with Tylenol and Motrin which landed us in the ER on a Sunday to get
an answer of what was really going on.  After IV fluids and blood work we had the answer: MONO!! How on Earth does a 7 year old get Mono? The ER Doctor told us that he likely picked up the virus while in public and got it that way. Rest and liquids were the remedies for him. He bounced back extremely fast besides the occasional tired/wore out spell if he plays to much. I learned some interesting facts about it as well in the crazy journey. But seriously MONO? Never a dull moment here.

Waiting to go back

    At the same time we were dealing with Ethan be sick, Ainsley Ear surgery was upon us too. We were lucky and she didn't (nor did any of the other girls) get sick. My sister in law rode up to Children's hospital of Philadelphia with me so that Danny could stay home with all the other kids.
The surgery went well and Ainsley is finally able to hear so much better than before. It was really amazing to hear her point out certain sounds she couldn't hear before.  I think my favorite memory will be riding in the van and Ethan asking for me to turn the radio up, something Ainsley always asked because she could never hear it. And Ainsley looking at him and saying "No Ethan, I can hear it now! The Doctor "fixeded" my ears REAL good". It was that moment I realized just how bad her hearing really was and thought what if we didn't have this type of procedure that helped her out.

      With all of this behind us, Easter this weekend, and slowly getting the twins on a schedule I'm back at my keyboard ready to fill you with laughs, smiles, and occasionally some tears because that is what Life is all about :)

Sprinkled with Chaos: I hate the word.....(My miscarriage story)

Sprinkled with Chaos: I hate the word.....(My miscarriage story):          Miscarriage: by definition is the expulsion of a fetus before it is viable, especially between the third and seventh...

I hate the word.....(My miscarriage story)

         Miscarriage: by definition is the expulsion of a fetus before it is viable, especially between the third and seventh months of pregnancy.   You are probably uneasy hearing or reading the word and that's OK, me too. I remember being so naive whenever I heard about someone miscarrying. I wouldn't know what to say to them and think "but you didn't know the baby". Can I just say as a Mom of 6 and a Mom that has had 2 miscarriages "YOU KNOW THAT BABY".  From the moment you see those 2 lines you are connected to that child just like you are to all your kids. I myself, didn't realize how fast the "Mother instinct" kicks in until We lost our first baby.

         I hate what miscarriage robs from you. All the hopes, dreams, wishes, and it robs the security of pregnancy. From the moment you lose a baby you are forever haunted by the fear of it happening again to yourself and anyone else who is expecting. Miscarriage steals the joy, you no longer are happy for others that are expecting the same time you were. You look at other mothers to be and resent them, yet you pray for them, that they don't ever know your pain. It makes you cry, lay in bed and think of all the what ifs, what should bes, and whys. Mostly I hate that with a miscarriage comes this unimaginable silence. Its a silence that can't be described, the silence of not mentioning a baby you came to know and love for the sake of not making people uneasy. I refuse to sit in silence and feel like I'm alone in this. My story could and can help someone out there cope and may even save a life. I will share it to whoever wants to hear and even those who don't.  Here is my story of how and when I became an Angel Mommy:

           January 1st we found out that we were expecting what would have been (and is) baby #4 for us. And I would be lying if I said we were happy about it (how I wish I could say we were). We decided to keep the pregnancy a secret from everyone except a select few(I wish we didn't). Why?, because certain family members would be upset and say some things that we just didn't want to hear at the time. Oh how I wish I wouldn't have let others steal the joy of being pregnant and looking back now, If I had known that my joy would be stolen in such an awful way I would have screamed the news of a new family member from the roof tops! I have often beat myself up over hiding the pregnancy, thinking that maybe that was the reason we lost the baby. Anyway in the middle/end of January we had our first scare with the baby and rushed to the ER one morning for spotting. After what seemed like days of waiting i was wheeled away without Danny for an ultrasound. The tech was so nice and she informed that she couldn't give any information out and i was not to look at the screen at all. When she was finished she took me back to the room, sobbing my eyes waiting for the worse. As she hooked me up to the IV, she bent down and whispered that the heartbeat as 165.  The load that came off my shoulders was tremendous and i could not thank her enough for telling me.The ER doctor came in shortly after and confirmed that our little peanut looked amazing and resembled  Lima bean. Our due date was September 3rd. We went on and carried out our days as normal completely unaware of what would shortly take place.
        The morning of February 8th started like any other day, except I had spotting once again. So we dropped the kids off to my sister in laws and were off to the ER. We were so sure that the outcome would be the same(I wish I could go back and warn myself, It's not).  Again what felt like years passed and finally I was again taken away for an ultrasound. This time though it was a young guy who was just learning(I should have asked for another person) and he was sweet but I felt like someone with experience should be seeing me. Deep down I wanted the same woman you know cause in my mind that meant the same results (my way of calming myself down). He stared and searched and stared and searched, til he stood up and said that he needed to get a supervisor to come and over look his work. Optimism has never been my strong point but that day I was, I had to be (it normally back fires on me). The supervisor came in did the "cover" ultrasound, it was silent, he was silent (God, why did it have to be a man, as if that made a difference), everything and everyone was silent and still. While they were wheeling me out of the ultrasound room the head ultrasound tech placed his hand on my shoulder, looked into my red watery eyes and said "You take care of yourself". The look he gave at that time just gave it away, I knew at that point the results were different. Danny tried to calm me and he did some, saying I was wrong and we didn't know yet since the Doctor still had to see the paper work. Soon after the doctor came in, she was the same one from before. How hard it had to be to give someone wonderful news one week and then a few later you shatter their entire being. "I'm so sorry, there was no heartbeat." is all I heard her say because I completely collapsed back on the bed, just wanting my heart to stop along with my child's.
         We picked up the kids and pretended as well as we could that everything was OK, they didn't even know I was expecting. At home I cried, I cried more than I have ever cried in my life(I hate to cry). I laid in bed, just waiting to wake up from the nightmare that was before me(because it had to be a nightmare, right?). Poor Danny didn't know what to do, what to say, and everything he did just made me furious. He tried to talk to me, I told him to leave me alone, he would leave me alone and I would yell at him for not being there with me. He once told the neighbor that he just didn't know what to do, he knew I was hurting and he couldn't fix it. He was suppose to be my rock, but he just  couldn't do it in this situation. He was grieving too, for the baby and for his wife. The life had left me just like it had left the child in me.Depression is a hard feeling to describe and til that time I had never experienced it. I wanted to be happy, to play with the kids, to eat, bathe, breathe, oh it was so hard to breathe. I couldn't do anything but sit and mourn. Mourn for the precious life that would not be.
      February 10th came and Danny took the 3 kids to church, then lunch with his parents. They got home late in the evening and I had managed to get up shower, clean a little and see the kids some. I put a smile on my face for them but it felt so wrong to do it. Shortly after I had sat down on the couch I was right back in bed with pains (it was starting). The ER doctor mentioned contractions, heavy bleeding, but not no more than a period. As I sat in bed knowing that it was official, since up to this point I still was holding out for Hope, but I could feel the contractions as my body got rid of my baby.  I remember in my mind just screaming "STOP, STOP, I WANT THIS BABY, WHY HAVE YOU FAILED?" over and over to myself (but my body didn't listen to me). At some point Danny came to check on me, he had just put the kids in the tub. I knew that it was going to get worse and that we needed to get the kids out of the house. I told him "It was time for them to leave" and he literally rushed down stairs grab them out of the tub, ran them all to the neighbors and left them there. Thank God for our wonderful neighbors. They knew from the moment we did about the pregnancy and loss. Danny was quickly back by my side and asking what he could do. This is where my story could save a life. You see I was a "not text book" miscarriage.
            We quickly discovered that we needed to go to the hospital. It was way to much blood loss, completely different than what we were told to expect. As I stood up to head down the stairs and get in our van, all I remember is looking at Danny and telling him "I think its time to call the ambulance". With that I woke up on the floor, soaking wet from blood, and Danny screaming and shaking me to come too. He was already on the phone to 911 giving them our address. It felt like no sooner he said the address that they were knocking on the door(it was locked for the night). I will never forget the look on the mans face as he entered the bedroom and saw me. He screamed out orders for towels, some kind of chair, fluid bags, and that he had to get an IV started right now!" The two with him were running up and down steady bringing towels because I was going through them so fast and Danny was frantically telling them the whole situation. The way to the hospital I was in and out of it, trying to remember my birthday,name,the kids names as they asked over in over keeping me awake as much as possible. At the hospital we were introduced to an ER Doctor that no lie looked like a janitor. He was so sloppy and unprofessional looking that I thought it was a joke. But he saved my life that night, to him I owe a thousand Thank Yous.  He had to preform an emergency D&C right there in the emergency room since the OB on call refused to come in that night. I remember that part very well, I could not be given any thing for the pain because they were afraid I would go completely and they wouldn't be able to get me back. The nurse was telling me to scream all I needed and that she knew it was painful, but I didn't, I couldn't. The Doctor finished and walked out to call the OB again, Danny heard he arguing over the phone about a blood transfusion. Finally after hours of non stop calling the ER Doctor got the OB on call to approve a blood transfusion although he still refused to come in and see me.  After the transfusion was started, Danny went and talked to the ER doctor and asked "What went wrong" and that we were told "we could handle all of this at home". In the words of the Doctor he looked at Danny and said " yes technically you should have been fine. But this is not a text book 9 week loss miscarriage, this is something I have never seen and your instructor would say this could go wrong but don't worry it never does."
         Earlier in the morning hours I was moved up stairs to the maternity floor (how awful, too hear the newborn cries). I was on my second bag of blood and still bleeding out of control. A nurse finally went against policy and called my OB directly on her personally phone. With in minutes she was at the hospital, and I was down in surgery for another emergency D&C. When I woke up I felt so empty and as if I had been ran over by 50 Mack trucks. They sent me home later that evening where I began to heal physically,mentally, and emotionally. I was a long road but I made it. Don't get me wrong I still have my days and February 8th-10th every year since haunts me and sends me back to the days that are some of the darkest I have ever known. There is hope it does get better slowly, very slowly, but its does. It helps to talk about our baby, I don't like to pretend that it didn't happen, that the baby never existed or that I almost died. I want to share this story because so many are going through this hurt and pain, You are not alone. And if you think you need to go to the hospital listen to yourself don't wait and see it out just because they said it should be fine at home.

              If you read this and are going through this loss and need to talk please feel free and get in touch with me. I am hear and ready to listen and help.

A friend was able to get me a picture of our "Sweet Baby"

 

Meet us Monday The Twins (late edition)

       These two bundles of joy were completely a surprise and has rocked our family in such a good way. Elayna Brooke and Kennedy Jaymes entered the world on June 16th 2015 via emergency C-Section. Elayna weighed 6.12 and Kennedy was 7.7 and are fraternal. They just turned 7 months old and oh how I wish time would slow down!!! They both are doing great and are reaching their milestones like champs.

      I tell people that the only thing identical about them is their birthdays and gender. These girls have nothing else in common. Kennedy is always a good 5 pounds heavier than Elayna, she is always happy and easy to please, and her eyes are hazel. Kennedy is also the more demanded of the duo and will let you know right away if she needs anything at all. Elayna on the other hand is so small compared to her sister and looks like a younger baby in general. She is loves to whine, literally she will just lay on the floor and whine/scream for no reason at all but to hear herself.  She tends to stay slightly ahead of Kennedy on their milestones, she will very slowly work up to let you know if she needs you, and her eyes are blue. I promise they are really twins ;)

      Some fun Facts about the girls are listed below for your entertainment:

Elayna(left) and Kennedy(right)

1. Elayna was Baby A, Kennedy was Baby B.
2. Elayna is 1 minute older than Kennedy
3. Danny named Elayna and I picked out Kennedy's name
4. Elayna is a spitting image of my mom, we call her baby Jane often
5. Kennedy has my fathers name (James) as her middle name
6. I completely dislike the way Danny spelled Elayna's name (but his choice)
7. While pregnant with them they would fight each other (we watched them head butt each other during ultrasounds and I could fell it!)
8. Elayne has tons of hair and Kennedy is bald
9. Both girls were colicky
10. For the first few months they couldn't stand to touch each other.

    

    Elayna(left) and a picture of my mom(right)

The Mortons Go To Disney!!!!!

   

 OK so we haven't been yet but We are going in 2016!!!! Danny and I have never been and are excited to share our first experience right along with the kids. I didn't want to blog about it til it was set in stone and for sure happening. September of 2016 will go down in history for the kids and us as well. Thanks to my ever so awesome Sister in Law Carla for booking the entire thing! And arranging everything right down to the T.
      Ethan and Kamree have asked us for the last few years to go and well lets be honest money was always tight and I have always been pregnant. We plan on keeping it a secret until we get almost there.  I'm looking forward to blogging about it and the preparation that We will be doing to get ready for the trip of a lifetime. Hope you all follow along and enjoy with us :)

•     If you have any suggestions or comments on how to make our trip extra special Please comment them below!!!

Meet us Monday (Lexi)

Alexia Grace is our "Rainbow baby" and our "Twin-less twin". If you are not familiar with those to terms here are their meanings: "Rainbow Baby" is a baby that is born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death and a "Twin-less twin" is a baby/child that had a twin and the twin passed away. Lexi as we call her was born on January 20th 2014. I cant believe in just a week she will be 2! She was such an easy baby and I'm not saying that because she is mine, I say it cause it's true. She didn't even cry when she was hungry she would just whine a little. Everyone couldnt get over how laid back and easy going she was. She surprised us with her labor and delivery (which by far was the fastest one for us). She was so eager to come into the world she was born with the Doctor not even there and the poor nurse had no time to put gloves on. Alexia weighed 8lb 14.2 oz and was perfect.

Today as a 2 year old (well almost) she is still the easiest most laid back child we have. She has truly spoiled us with her behavior. Unlike her 2 older sisters she is a complete mommy's girl and is always right beside me. I cant wait to see what she becomes as she grows and starts to really adventure around. Since she is too little to ask questions to I figured I will leave you with some facts about our Alexia Grace and also include a picture of her twin whose an angel.

1. Lexi has brown eyes making the numbers 2 with brown, 2 with blue, 1 with green, and 1 whose eyes are hazel at the moment.
2. She has a fraternal twin who passed at 10 weeks into the pregnancy.
3. Her labor and delivery was only 5 hours long and with one push she was out!
4. Lexi had GERD while she was a baby and had to have cereal in her bottles to help her gain weight.
5. she was well over a year old before she got any teeth at all, we thought she never would get them lol.

"Not all Twins walk side by side,sometimes one gets wings to fly"